Who died for my what?

“Jesus died for our sins!” has all the same elements of the “there are children starving in China!” argument made by frustrated, tired, over it parents who just want their kids to eat the goddamn food so everyone can move on with their lives. In both cases, the statement is hurled, dripping with guilt and condemnation, and not always entirely grasped by the one hurling it.

I am grateful for the fact that my own parents were not the type to use outside forces to gain my sister’s or my compliance. They were both really great at being terrifying in their own right when they wanted to be, thanks to not learning how to fully regulate their emotions. And so we were never made to feel like Jesus’ death was in any way related to our poor behavior, nor were the starving Chinese children affected in the slightest by our wanting less food than was presently available.

I did however grow up in a pocket of California that loves its intense Christian signage. I recently drove past a local church where a little girl was helping an older woman replace the letters on a sign from Autumn’s ominous “Are you part of God’s harvest?” to winter’s “Give the greatest gift, tell them about Jesus.” It made me wonder what this little girl might tell someone about Jesus and if it would include the part about him dying for our sins, as my school friends would rattle off at me after a spring break spent at church camp almost kissing somebody who would turn out to be very gay.

I have always been spiritually curious and open, so I took everything that was reported to me by kids brought up in religious households into consideration, and even prayed about it. I wouldn’t have called it prayer at the time… It was more like voice-noting the sky. I got a lot of insight that way, and could perceive when things were a little misunderstood by my informants, but the whole thing about Jesus dying FOR OUR SINS just never made any sense to me no matter how I sliced it.

Then I grew up and became a Nichiren Buddhist and now, at Christmas, in the year of our Lord 2024, I can say that I finally, FINALLY, finally, kind of get it. No, I do. I think.

In Buddhism, there is a concept referred to in the Lotus Sutra (the Buddha’s ultimate teaching) as “voluntarily assuming the appropriate karma.” This is the idea that we can will to take on certain difficult causes and conditions in order to create the greatest opportunity for healing, growth, and evolution for ourselves and others. Many have done it throughout history, but none more famously than one Jesus H. Christ.

In the light of this concept, ‘Jesus suffered and died for our sins’ could be elucidated to mean that: because of his deep compassion, Jesus incarnated into a time and place in which the message he had to share with the world would make the most impact, even though doing so would cause him to be persecuted. And was probably also very difficult and inconvenient and put him in many situations that were decidedly not the vibe. Jesus lived the way he did to shine a light on the root cause of human suffering (which is to say our “sins”), and he died the way he did because he was compassionate enough to do so.

I think that Christmas represents that choice… the one I feel like we’ve all made to be here now and shine our light. This is the celebration of showing up in the world, ready and willing, come what may. I like the idea that we are here because of our deep compassion, knowing it wouldn’t be easy or always entirely pleasant. It takes courage and strength to live in this world, and this day is in praise of showing up anyway because our gifts are too valuable to keep to ourselves.

I learn from every person I encounter on this path and I see so much wisdom and compassion that it shapes my world view into something prismatic and lovely. This was a very intense way to say THANK YOU for being here in this life with me, whether you believe you chose it or not. Happy Christmas!