We love an eclipse
Those who know me know that I am a hoe for astrology. I’ll never argue for it, but I will DM you planetary tea when you’re experiencing something relevant and you will either roll your eyes and give it a courtesy like or go down the rabbit hole. But that’s none of my business.
It’s not about blind faith or a subconscious desire to give up responsibility for my life to the cosmos. Personal experience has, time and time again, delivered evidence of its influence on my life. I think it’s like most elements of the collective consciousness that just sort of exists as an undercurrent.
I also just really like the idea that the planets and stars have this calculated function of keeping us moving through our hero’s journey, providing constant opportunities for forward motion, side-quests, and ultimately growth, should we choose to accept the challenges they present. But twice a year there comes an astrological event so undeniably influential to the trajectory of my life that I consider it its own, self-contained hero’s journey- a juicy plot that’s all about fate and destiny and coming-of-agey stuff: the eclipse. Eclipses come in pairs, about two weeks apart, and set the stage for big changes and revelations that seem to always have conspicuous effects.
In October 2022, I paced around the living room of the high-rise condo I inhabited with my then fiancé, trying to plan a trip. We had the means to do just about whatever we wanted, and I remember having a deep desire to push us out of our box, which was strange because it hadn’t occurred to me that we were in a box until then. One minute I was suggesting we charter a boat to take us down the Amazon in search of the pink dolphins, and the next I was proposing that we hire an escort to bang my fiancé in a fancy hotel room while I sipped a cocktail downstairs at the hotel bar just to see what it felt like. I guess I imagined, however subconsciously, that these scenarios would make us uncomfortable and shift the foundation of our relationship in a way that would somehow force us into the reset we so desperately needed. To face ourselves and each other and become new.
We settled on a trip to New York, a place we both loved and had always felt like slightly different, more interesting versions of ourselves. After a few days in Manhattan, we would migrate to Florida where we planned to drive around stopping in all the most desirable cities with the intention of sussing out whether we should buy a house there. The whole thing was being spearheaded by me, another attempt at breaking the golden handcuffs that I felt shackled us to a life not entirely our own. I was willing to live in the same state as Florida Man… The desperation.
We flew in on the date of the first eclipse of the season, October 25, which was likely when I contracted Covid for the first time. The symptoms showed up two days later, as we were boarding a plane to Florida. I covered up as best I could, and by the time we arrived in Miami, separate cars had been booked, as well as an Airbnb two hours north of the city where I’d hole up in an Airbnb for nine days.
I had never spent that many consecutive days completely alone. I felt terribly lonely, but I also knew that I needed the time to figure out why I was sick. I am blessed with a very strong constitution, and any real illness I’ve ever had tended to coincide with a life crisis of one sort or another. Those days were hard, not because I was sick but because my life was. My relationship was. But I was determined to figure out how to fix it. I sat down with a cheesy journal whose cover mocked me with the phrase “Happy Thoughts” and tried to write out a version of the life I envisioned with him, happy and healthy and moving forward together. But all I could see in my mind’s eye was a blank slate. It was one of the strangest things I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t see anything... Just white.
My favorite astrologer wrote in her newsletter, Astro Butterfly, about that eclipse: On October 25th, 2022 we have a Solar Eclipse at 2° Scorpio. This is a South Node eclipse so it’s concerned with karmic, fated new beginnings. South Node Solar Eclipses often come with an ending followed by a new beginning. The Solar Eclipse is exactly conjunct Venus, suggesting a rebirth of the heart that will set us on a completely new path. We can undo things. We can change things. We can have a say. We can consciously co-create with the Universe a life of meaning and purpose.
I wouldn’t get around to reading this until the night of the following eclipse, which happened to be the day before I tested negative and would rejoin my partner in Miami. Two months later, our relationship was over. I had absolutely no idea or intention of this outcome, and I was goddamn terrified. I wanted to turn it around, but something in me knew this was the path I had to take if I wanted a chance at real happiness. It never would have occurred to me that that would even be possible without him, and I still didn’t believe it. It was like the current of my life was moving in a totally unforeseen direction, and yet I was also aware that I was steering the ship.
The Universe brought me experiences that would highlight all the things I had been unwilling to face in my life, but it was my choice to make the change. That eclipse season was incredibly dramatic because I had been so afraid to see the truth and leap forward into the unknown for so long. Since then I have gotten much more brave and willing to evolve, so the eclipse seasons have been more exciting and plot twisty than chaotic.
The one we’re experiencing now has been very interesting. I am still seeing themes around relationship dynamics and romantic love come up, which was totally unexpected because I have been consciously single and fully celibate for nearly a year- something I’ve never even entertained before. Finding out who I am in this area of my life now can’t be avoided, even it wasn’t part of the plan. Especially that it wasn’t part of the plan.
For the past few years, I’ve been practicing Nichiren Buddhism, chanting the phrase Nam Myoho Renge Kyo morning and evening, and I don’t think it’s any coincidence that now I feel the themes of astrology in a more potent way than ever before. I feel like whenever we engage with our lives from a place of really wanting to get in sync with the Universe and whatever our highest path brings, even if it’s fucking uncomfortable, everything begins to shift. The more we lean into it, the less jarring it is when something you didn’t see coming shows up and completely rocks your world. Idk about you but I am here for all of it.
If you’re interested in what some actual astrologers have to say about the eclipse season we are currently experiencing, here are a few of my fave resources:
Happy eclipsing!