Tulum it may concern

A love letter to my newest friends and fram

This time last year, my best friend got married in the Yucatan jungle. I was newly single, having just ended my second relationship in the span of a year (very yikes, I know.) and feeling very raw. I had just moved into my house with nothing but some estate sale Pyrex, a funky coral colored chair, and a few TV trays from the 60s. I had no community to speak of, aside from the small group of Buddhists I met with twice a month, and I was just starting to come out of the shock of leaving LA and the person I’d been betrothed to for the better part of my 30s. 

I had no idea what my life would look like in the coming months, but I knew I needed to be alone to truly face myself and start to heal. And then the Universe was all, “Here’s two hot bois who are absolutely going to fuck you up with their charm and vehement admiration, and then they will scatter like cockroaches terrified of light should you choose to take the bait.” And I was all, “Sounds hectic. Sign me up!”

I spent the next several months asking myself how I wound up with two heartbreaks and barely even one couch within my first month of being single in nearly a decade. Why was I so willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of cotton candy love- the kind that disintegrates the second it touches your lips and causes you to crash after getting you all high?

In the midst of searching for my answer to that very loaded question, I was invited to join my work wife, Gabrielle Stone, on a trip to Mexico on almost exactly the same dates that I was there the previous year, which struck me as synchronistic, and I am a total hoe for synchronicity. She and I have worked together since April 2023, a defining moment in my career and life. The trip was put on by a company called Trova that organizes travel experiences for influencers and their fans. I have never responded to a text faster than that one. 

A few months later, I arrived at LAX to meet Gabrielle. Gab and I haven’t spent much time together in real life- just a few meals and meetings- but nothing too significant. I wondered if our creative compatibility would extend to travel, but any anxiety I had disappeared before we even made it through security. Everything was just easy. We wanted coffee at the same time. We staggered our visits to the bathroom so someone was always watching the luggage. I left my phone at the currency exchange and she didn’t even judge me.

In a past life, my job in the music industry frequently put me in the position of middleman between artist and their fans. Often times I found myself trying to compensate for the level of detachment my artist displayed towards the fans who were literally funding their dreams. Getting to know the fans and doing my best to reward them for their evangelism was by far my favorite part of my job. To the outside world, the payoff in my line of work was getting to hang out with famous musicians, but to be honest that was the most stressful part. The fun was in connecting with the fans. 

I wasn’t sure what to expect from Gabrielle’s relationship to her readers… It’s one thing to be open and engaging online, but quite another in person. But that bitch did not miss a beat. We found Susie waiting for us outside of the Cancun airport. She had arrived earlier from the UK, and Gabrielle offered for her to join our transfer to Tulum. Brilliant decision, it turns out, because Susie is a goddamn delight. Seeing that Gab was so comfortable with Susie and genuinely happy to have her with us let me know that this experience was going to be entirely different from my past. We were all there as equals, and that made me so excited for what was to come.

The first full day, we joined the other 17 women for a welcome dinner, in which everyone went around introducing themselves and giving their experience of why they connected with Gabrielle and the book. I was absolutely floored by the breadth of experience, the candor, the vulnerability, and the humor of these women from all over the country (and a few international hotties) spanning multiple generations, races, and backgrounds. It was a truly out of body experience that made me realize that this story not only belongs to Gabrielle, or to me, but to all of these women and many, many more.

Everyone has experienced and overcome suffering. Everyone knows what it’s like to feel deep grief and loss. And yet, they still have a giant capacity for joy and love. It was clear that the thing these women all had in common was their strength and grace. And their outpouring of warmth towards me- a person they did not pay to spend their vacation with- was truly overwhelming. It was only our first night together, and I was already smitten.

The next day we divided up into groups, half on each shuttle, and we were off for a day of adventure and sight-seeing. First up was zip-lining over the jungle, which I had never done, but the 30 minute ride to the park was so full of lols and insightful conversation that I didn’t have time to think about it. I led the charge to the top of the structure, which as it happens was a lot higher up than it looked. I was shocked to discover that I am a big fat chicken when I had to remove myself from the narrative of breezy bitch who effortlessly floats above the treeline in a foreign country. Nope. I was a shaky chihuahua hiding in the corner. 

One of the great women of my group, Sydney, stayed with me as I grappled with the nature of my own existence, sweating both stress and regular varieties. Just as I was about to give up and make my way back down the structure with my tail between my legs, Gabrielle emerged- shocked to see me. After some not-so-gentle coaching from my blonde counterpart, I stepped up to the platform, took several slow breaths, and hurled myself into the humid air. And then I did it five more times. When it was over, I was met with lots of congratulations and love from all the women who were way more brave than I. And maybe it was the fact that my body had prepared itself for sudden death only a few minutes prior, but I really felt their happiness for me. 

The level of support from total strangers was something I believe all of us were feeling in extremis. As we moved through the Mayan Riviera, testing our lung capacity in cenotes, braving the heat at archeological sites, basking in the warm tourmaline ocean, everyone kept an eye on each other. Lately I’ve seen a lot of shit talk about women’s failure to organize, support each other, or create sisterhood… but there we were, just running around Tulum as a self-sustaining unit, each one there to provide water, a moist towelette, or a joke as needed.

Every event and activity bonded us more closely as a group, and watching individual connections organically evolve was something I didn’t know I needed to see. A “golden thread” as Sandra put it. I started this year wondering whether instantaneous connection could ever be trusted, and I will end it knowing that, fuck yes it can. 

Our second dinner together was slightly more intimate than the first, which is saying something because we all cried that night. But this time, rather than sharing our deepest wounds and biggest hurdles, we revealed our juciest, dirtiest, most unhinged secrets. Never Have I Ever laughed so hard or been so shocked. Absolutely no one held anything back during a round of Two Truths and a Lie- the more innocent I assumed the woman was, the more shocking and ratchet her truths (looking at you M). It was absolutely amazing. I found myself telling secrets that only the very closest people in my life know about me, and I regret nothing. Ok ok maybe I regret some things… but sharing those regrets is not one of them.

Perhaps an even more intimate revelation of mine was when Gab appeared at my side with wild eyes and asked if I wanted to read a scene from something special I had written. I said yes and switched from wine to tequila. Reading lines aloud to the people I had written them for was something I will never ever forget. Nothing, no matter how big the screen or how warm the audience, could ever compete with that room of 18 women giving me their full attention and applause.

We laughed so much. We cried some too. And we DANCED. Our crew rolled into the club and onto the empty dance floor, and people hypnotically followed. The circle we created became the only place to be, and the more we turned up the more people wanted to join in. Watching these women absolutely own their sexiness on that dance floor was one of the coolest things I’ve ever witnessed. Like ok Jenna… go off. You too Amanda.

That same spirit followed us the next day onto a yacht where we were served drinks by a twerking bartender and treated like queens of the Caribbean. At one point I found myself floating alone in the water (an attempt to hide from tequila being poured into all the queens’ mouths) watching everyone on the boat. It was hard to believe we had all only met a few days before. Everyone who knows me knows that I love a costume change. I brought one for every hour we were on the boat, and was cheered each time I emerged from the cabin in a fresh bikini. These, I then knew for sure, were definitely my people.

On our last night, Gabrielle asked everyone to go around and share what they had gained from the trip that they’ll be taking home with them, and what they’d be leaving behind. Once again I was floored by the wide open hearts and beautiful words that each person shared. April cried for the second time in her life. Courtney shared something that made us all cheer with gratitude and relief. Everyone had something jaw-droppingly poignant to say, including our beautiful guide Karolita, and I soaked it all up while being eaten alive by mosquitos. But even they could not touch the vibe.

Thinking about it now, what I left behind was the need for false validation and fleeting connection, and what I took was the sense of solidarity and encouragement I received on this trip. No longer grasping at love, and finally able to receive it, I recall the genuine interest people had in my story, in my words, and my future. They saw me, not what I could give them or how I could make them feel… just me.

I left Mexico on 11/11, the same date as the wedding I went to a year ago, with Gabrielle after a final brunch with our new friends. I realized that this time, the divine connections I made were true and lasting, nothing cotton candy about this love. Whatever healing I did or didn't do this past year, I’m not worried about it anymore. I can say with total certainty that we’re all in this together, and I have twenty women who will back me on that. 

Karla- Thank you for my frog. She is perfect. So are you.

Courtney- I regret not taking the shot. Next time, I promise.

Sandra- Thank you for buying me that coffee!

Valerie- You’re right. I will never be anyone’s prop again.

April- Fuck you

Maya- Shocked and amazed by you. But mostly shocked.

Danyelle- Thank you for teaching me about word count. I am using it now.

Alexis- Karma innit? Bus friends for life.

Cyndi- What if we kissed on a yacht?

Susan- Susan for President 2028.

Cate- More wine soon please.

Portia- You’re a true first class bitch.

Ashley- Southern comfort, not Southern values.

Jenna- No voice? No problem. You made your mark anyway.

Amanda- Mermaid angel princess, thank you for being you.

Jana- You put the QUEEN in drama queen.

Paula- You better have more fingers down the next time I see you.

Sydney- You jump, I jump, remember?

Karolita- We are were so lucky to have your expertise and your energy.

Gabrielle- Where to next?

I love you all. Thank you so much for embracing me. I will carry your words, beautiful energy, and grit with me as I move through the world.

Until next time, pinche vida! Xoxoxoxo