coming up for air

It’s raining today which is perfect because I am in desperate need of reflection. We are all in agreement that reflection happens best when the weather is shit, are we not? Cool.

This is going to not be my best work… I just really need to put something out in the world today because I am ass deep into a script that’s been a constant in my life for about three months, and I don’t even feel like I’m anywhere near a full first draft. I have about a million unfinished essays littering my desktop and there have been so many wild things happening in my life lately that I want to paint you a picture of, but right now I can’t because I am bound and determined to pour everything I have into this script. I am stating this for the record because if (when. WHEN.) it comes to fruition, I want it known that I made the impossible possible.

IT. FEELS. IMPOSSIBLE. This is a story taken from my own life and it’s somehow more challenging than the last thing I wrote, which was a story taken from someone else’s life. I didn’t have to go on that spiritual journey in order to write about it. I just had to re-imagine it. This is such a confronting process… having to pin down why an experience affected you the way it did and then recreate it with total empathy and honesty and more flair is really something.

I write to find answers to my own questions. I’ve spent the past year exploring the definition of soulmates and how different people relate to seemingly fated relationships. It has been a journey to the depths of my life and and back, like, every single day. It’s the most personal thing I’ve ever written about… a window into my real life discovery that I am my own Twin Flame.

Oh GOD I want to change that last sentence but I’m not going to. I said what I said.

But perhaps the most important takeaway thus far is that when I’m avoiding writing, I’m actually avoiding feeling. Writing makes me feel so much that it’s hard to understand how it fits into my day. Like I need to do my taxes but how? I’m trying to capture the ESSENCE OF LIFE ok?!!! The only receipts I keep are emotional ones. And those, I hope, will someday pay the bills.

Thanks for letting me vent. Here’s a picture of me and the gals after Anora and I won the Academy Awards.